After several months of agony, I've decided to take the rest of the semester off. It took me a few days to write about it because I wanted to make sure it was what I really wanted and of course I worried about judgement and others not understanding my decision. But then I realized only about 3 of you read this anyways and you are just the type to support me no matter what.
So the good news is is that SFSU will hold my spot and I won't be dropped and have to reapply. I'll have until September to mull things over and decide what I want to do. I'm not writing off teaching all together but I really dont see myself as a professor. I just feel over the whole thing right now. I don't like the horrendous competition and one-upping each other, name dropping authors and quotes just to feel smarter than the next guy. I feel like I'm writing to meet some experimental kick that they all seem to be on and I haven't produced anything that I'm actually happy with. It started to feel like the one thing in my life that was dragging me down. So I took action and officially dropped today. I'm hoping the next several months will give me some time to dabble a bit with new possibilities.
I'm kind of freaking out because I realized that without school and working out of my bedroom everyday my social life will be VERY limited. VERY. So the last few days I've been in panic-mode over that.
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3 comments:
Thank you. I'm proud of you. It takes guts to realize you are going down the wrong road before you get there & do something about it. You always were a take charge kind of gal. I'm confident you will figure it all out...you always do. It's so important to have a job that makes you happy!!
xoxo
like i told you on the phone... mid-life crisis. it isn't easy to change your mind when you are so deep into something, esp something everyone else views as the right, and best thing for you. i have no doubt you'll be amazing at whateve ryou do. i also have no doubt that writing will always be part of your life in some capacity.
we really have to chat ....and soon. i feel like we may be having some similar experiences...like jen said "mid-life", and i totally feel that "everyone else thinks it's right" thing. lets chat!
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