So for the past two days my friend Ami and I have left each other messages about how much fun we had the other night. We're both originally from LA and I think this has been a huge struggle for both of us, especially being away from the ones we love most. It was my first night here where I actually felt like I could just hang and not put work into it (Jen I know you'll understand what I mean by that). I have become such a homebody up here that it's nice to know I have friends close by and it's always a good feeling to make friends in new places. You get that "I've still got it" feeling.
I started excercising a bit (two days this week...a slow start, but still a start). On my latest walk/jog through the park I did a lot of reflecting on the past few months and I'm suddenly in a place where I didnt realize I'd gotten over something. And I know it always happens that way. Something terrible happens and it feels so overwhelming that you can't know for sure when it'll pass and then one day you're out walking and you realize it already did. And it feels good...the best I've felt in months. It feels like I'm completely me again. And it's a reminder that I have a lot of work to do on myself. I seem to struggle in relationships because I lose too much of myself and it's always voluntary. Sure there has to be some compromise, but I get so involved in situations and I always seem to let go of myself for a bit.
In between writing (six) papers tonight, I took a break and stumbled upon the most heart wrenching blog I've ever read. It was started by a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who lost her life to Hodgkins this past May. She was only 23. The link is www.alesecoco.org. Be prepared. Even if you're not in the mood for something sad, it is an amazing website that has been continued on by her parents. They end every post with a prayer and thank everyone for theirs.
Also, I'm two weeks away from being done with the semester!! A HUGE exciting thing to look forward to. I can't wait to be done with this set of classes. Every time someone asks me how grad school is going, I tell them not-so-good. I'm looking forward to next semester and hoping for a much better experience with brand new teachers. Also, I realized last night that if I quit now, I'll have to start paying back that $20,000 loan...I think I'm reconsidering dropping out based on that alone.
1 comment:
I am so happy that you have found friends/a friend (one is all you and I have ever really needed anyway), to be truly close with. That intamacy is not replaced by any other relationship, and it is so important in this personal development quest that we are both on. I will read the blog link when I can fully induldge myself, which unfortunatly is not now. I am proud of you for your growth as a person, and I admire your strength every day, even when I don't tell you that. As you know, I am on my own personal growth-capade right now - and it sure isn't easy. You wake up one day and realize you're over things - then you wake up one day and realize that you aren't a child, or even that young anymore, - that you're an adult, and who you are. For me, it's the completly accpeting this and embracing it that's the hardest part.
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